Spitzer's speech doesn't hold up to 'truth detector'
DAN MEYER Political Columnist
Eliot Spitzer finally admitted that he was wrong. In a speech made last week in Washington, D.C., our governor finally conceded, agreeing to withdraw his plan to issue special driver's licenses to illegal immigrants.

While his remarks did point out that his idea was not well-received by the vast majority of New Yorkers, he used the forum as an opportunity to try and steer attention away from his half-brained idea, instead pointing the finger at the federal government for having lost control of its borders, allowing millions of immigrants to enter our country.

So what did the governor really say? Thanks to a special device I picked up earlier this month as an early Christmas present for myself, I was able to detect what was true and what was political rhetoric through the magic powers of a mechanism known simply as "the truth detector."

So after thoroughly reading the instructions (batteries not included, some assembly is required, not for use by children under the age of 10) and following all of the proper procedures needed to put my new toy together, I was ready to run Spitzer's remarks through a machine that tells the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth:

• What Spitzer said: "After serious deliberation and consultation with people I respect on all sides of this issue, I have concluded that New York State cannot successfully address this problem on its own."

• Truth Detector Analysis: For two months, I've tried to jam this proposal down your throats, and virtually no one wants to jump on board. Republicans, Democrats, everyone seems to be really ticked off at me. My popularity is plunging so much that now there's talk of my having virtually no chance of being re-elected in 2010. When in doubt, blame the feds. And that's what I'm doing and going to continue to do from here on out.

• What Spitzer said: "We announced a comprehensive proposal to allow New Yorkers to choose from three secure licenses. This was a practical response to both the new federal travel requirements and the old federal inaction."

Truth Detector Analysis: Sure, it would have been confusing, but it's something new that I thought up all by myself in my hopes of gaining enough bipartisan support to get me mentioned as a possible vice presidential candidate in 2012. The way things are going right now, I couldn't even run for dog catcher of Albany. Oh yeah, and I'm blaming the feds. Again. I'm blaming them so much I mentioned them twice in the same sentence.

• What Spitzer said: "It (special licenses plan) would have enabled us to keep our upstate economy viable, meet the demands of federal travel requirements, make our roads safer and bring more New Yorkers into the system, helping law enforcement officials fight crime and terrorism."

• Truth Detector Analysis: Of course, it's easy for me to now say that my plan would have helped our economy and made New York a safer place to live in and visit. That's why I'm scaring you with mentions of crime and terrorism. Oh yeah, and I'm blaming the feds. Again. That's the second time I've mentioned the new travel requirements. I didn't create them. The big, bad guys here in Washington did. Blame them, not me.

• What Spitzer said: "I have concluded that pushing forward unilaterally in the face of such strong opposition would be counterproductive."

• Truth Detector Analysis: The thousands of phone calls, e-mails and letters finally made me realize voters really don't like my idea.

• What Spitzer said: "It does not take a stethoscope to hear the pulse of New Yorkers on this topic."

• Truth Detector Analysis: Talk radio shows and Internet message boards seem to do the trick.

• What Spitzer said: "I look forward to getting back to an agenda that addresses the needs of all New Yorkers."

• Truth Detector Analysis: Let's all forget I ever mentioned this idea. Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.

(Daniel Meyer is a columnist for the Weekly Independent Newspapers of Western New York. Comments on this column can be sent via e-mail to: meyersmusings@gmail.com. Opinions expressed here are those of the author.)