Holy Land park disappointing
CHRISTINE HICKS- USTA Travel
I've just returned from Orlando, the home of "a theme park for everything." My Orlando adventure was spurred by a church conference being held in Orlando. The church theme inspired us to head to The Holy Land Experience theme park.

Before I'm cast into the fires of hell for mentioning religion in this column, please know this was travel research. I had read online reviews of The Holy Land Experience - all seven of them. According to collateral materials, The Holy Land Experience is a journey "back in time to an ancient land that is 2,000 years old and 7,000 miles away. On your journey, you will discover a new world of information and understanding; be inspired through biblical stories, music and dance; and become immersed in a land that still impacts the life you live in many ways."

What I expected collided with a reality far different. This had nothing to do with the material - and everything to do with the delivery.

To the tune of $30 (senior), we entered at "The Jerusalem Street Market." This kiosk of souvenirs is evidently only occasionally attended by "Jerusalem's own street merchants." Seconds after, we settled for lunch at the Oasis Palms Café, to "feast on delicious meals in an authentic Mediterranean atmosphere." Who knew 2,000 years ago in Jerusalem they served chicken Caesar salad cafeteria-style? This is a learning experience.

We bypassed the Temple Plaza (a gleaming white "center of Jerusalem's religious life") and headed for the Scriptorium. Small herds of visitors are propelled in continuous 55-minute automated tours every seven minutes. After a stage-setting "Sturm und Drang" light-and-sound show in a darkened anteroom, we were led through 14 alternating light-filled rooms staged to dramatize the Bible collection contained therein. Some are simple cases exhibiting ancient papyrus or parchment scripts; others showcased animated scenes. We could not know these 55 minutes would constitute the park's

highlight, though it did get more interesting.

We flitted into the Shofar Auditorium to see the "world's largest indoor model of Jerusalem" (sans explanation). The Dead Sea Qumran Caves are "home to a future exhibit." "Calvary's Garden Tomb" took about 15 viewing seconds. Then there was the Temple Plaza.

A stage production began. Out pranced perky dancing girls in gleaming white chintz robes slit to allow for high kicks, heads ensconced in microphone headgear worthy of Madonna. Rock music pulsed from amplified speakers, but the visual of all this threw me, so I couldn't begin to tell you what they sang about. This was followed by a man in another white chintz robe and a Chef Boyardee hat singing I don't know what.

This is a Christian-themed park. During our stay, we saw Christians and non-Christians alike visiting, and it is decidedly (blessedly) not a heavy-handed or evangelical place. That said, the bottom line is that I was disappointed. Expectations of size and authenticity left me extremely wanting. Nice idea, but undelivered.

(Christine Hicks-Usta has enjoyed more than 30 years of globe-trotting as a member of the travel industry. Direct questions to her at Bee Group Newspapers, P.O. Box 150, Buffalo, NY 14231-0150.)