A shoulder to lean on
Support group helps grandparents raising children
by KEN BARTOLOTTA, Reporter e-mail:kenb@beenews.com
I n spite of all the challenges they face, members of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren prefer to look at the positives.

While the task can be daunting it is also rewarding, full of the same seminal occurrences that make parenthood so worthwhile in the first place.

"With most grandparents, you get to visit the kids, but you miss out on a lot of the things that as parents you can see," said Orchard Park resident Alice Hutchins, who formed the group in 1999.

"As (traditional) grandparents, you may not be there for all of these accomplishments that these kids have," she said, adding that raising grandchildren means "in the end you have all these memories that you can look back on. It really is special."

Hutchins began the group almost a decade ago out of a basic need for people in her situation to find some sort of support.

The group isn't structured but instead features a casual and relaxed atmosphere conducive to the needs of participants.

"We'd rather focus on helping each other and giving each other advice instead of laying down rules and regulations," Hutchins said.

And that advice is a necessity because grandparents in the role of parents face a number of challenges that go well beyond the generation gap.

While Hutchins will admit that the gap is a difficult one to bridge, there's a slew of other obstacles that go along with raising a child the second time around.

"I was dealing with things like not really having anyone to talk to," she said. "I was going to things like birthday parties and Little League games, and all the parents were so much younger than I was."

That sort of isolation led to the formation of the group, but since then, members have been able to assist each other in a number of other areas.

Hutchins said that raising grandchildren also means dealing with the welfare of the child and his or her mental and physical health.

"Most of these kids are dealing with abandonment issues because no matter what happened, their parents aren't always around," she said. "So there's a number of reasons for that, whether it's drugs or the parents' health, but it has its effect on the kids."

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren also deals with a child's basic need for the mother and father, a void that can be almost impossible to fill, Hutchins said.

"When a baby is crying for her mother and she wants her parents, there's not much you can do about it," she said. "No matter how much you love these kids and care for them, the fact is their parents aren't around."

Advice in the group can range from such personal problems to financial and legal issues, which also can put a strain on the caregiver.

"A lot of these parents don't want to give up their kids or don't realize they can't raise them themselves," Hutchins said. "So some of our members have to constantly deal with custody battles.

"Those sort of legal issues can cost thousands of dollars," she said. "And where does that money come from when you're retired or near retirement?"

In spite of all these challenges, members still look for the silver lining in their situation.

"One thing about this support group is that we've built some wonderful friendships out of it. We're very close," she said. "That's the value of the support group, the sharing of ideas and different experiences that can help someone deal with this."

For more information on Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, call 662-0482.